I know it hurts. It sucks! To realize that any attempt at reconcile is either met with unrealistic conditions or scoffs from whom was your best friend; the like in which YOU question your value. I mean why would they? You may or may not have been perfect (like them), but you were absolutely stellar AND willing to carry the burden by yourself ----- if you weren't already doing so. Because you love him/her; everything else be damned!
"I'll show them that there isn't another like me! They'll come back and we'll pick up where we left off and soon it'll be like it never happened..."
But it DID happen and they made a decision regardless of what you've meant to them, your feelings, wants, and wishes, meaningless from their perspective.
Digressing. I can continue with the momentum of these thoughts, however, it would be a great disservice to my audience to create imagery which may still be traumatic or worsen one's experience. Suffice it to say, I am broad to not evoke feelings of lament ----- in fact, it is my desire to incite those whom are down to reclaim their identity AND become more than what they were prior to broken-heartedness, depression, melancholy, and the like.
So ... what now?
Before I start my prose, I will say, as I have ALWAYS in any consultation, I admire your courage. The strength and faith it takes to say "I don't like the way I feel and maybe YOU (me) can help me. " It is my absolute pleasure to help you. In fact, I'm passionate about doing so, as guiding you to wellness is as satisfying to me as any individual achievement can bring. You've read it correct; in technical terms, I assist with paradigm shift. So you see ... I'm humbly acknowledging YOUR worth.
Though the ill-feelings may have taken it's toll, no matter how feint or dim the light of hope may seem, there is enough love for any individual for their oneself to become MORE.
I do not agree with reliving pain via thinking/talking of the perceptive source, nor do I believe in invasive means, like prescribed drugs, let alone self-medicating with alcohol or other substances. If anything, your choice to be strong in the face of contrast is all that is required.
I'd need you to identify who it is you are ... rather, whom it is you are becoming to see if you agree with what it is you've identified. I'd inquire the highest version of yourself, and many of you whom this person is, yet may have forgotten. It is my guarantee that these 2 versions of yourself that you've identified are incongruent, dissimilar, and unlike ----- in fact, the pain you are feeling are these 2 personalities playing tug-of-war within you. The other guarantee I have is that you'd prefer to be the latter as opposed to the former personality identified, and just by reading the guarantees, you've literally started to become the latter.
I'm certain of that. So much so that even in the slightest of brief moments, the thoughts of where you were was non-existent. All that remain is to build momentum toward whom you want to be and the joy in realizing who that is, is more wonderful and satisfying than the becoming, as the becoming will always grow indefinitely, if it is your choice.
There are innumerable ways to get there, but I offer you this because I love you:
Do not contact your ex in any form for at least 30 days. If children are involved, then limit conversation to basic child raising conversation, and ONLY when it is necessary. Literally, make them non-existent and remove any and all ways for them to keep tabs on you, say ... social media. And yes, all of it.
Remember, you know who the highest version of yourself is, that person probably has kindness, respect, patience, and love, at minimum-in abundance. BE whom you say you are, it is your preference right?
Take yourself out on dates. No not with anyone else. Yourself. By the way, have fun doing so! The liberation and confidence, as well as the memories created are invaluable. Anyway, when you're hurting, it is recommended to heal first. Think of it this way: damaged goods come at bargain prices or not bought at all. If you are valuable to yourself, you'll understand this.
You are worthy. Take it easy and have compassion for yourself. You are not a victim; I see you as a budding rose rising through the concrete. Go ahead and bloom in the midst unexpected of places.
-J
Beautiful! I met you while going through some of these exact emotions, once I realized that I was not feeling like my usual self the best choice i ever made for myself at that moment was contacting you. The ways You HELPED me are truly unforgettable because I was able to help myself through your coaching. Just one simple consultation and to think I was going to therapy ah ah lol, after that learning from you became a daily thing. I am able to understand and heal without therapy because I know I AM NOT A VICTIM.
Thanks coach J.