In all the cases, in all of my observances of many people, known or not, there is this one thing that will key me into how successful a person will be with anything. It is MAYBE the second most important trait needed to allow for macro-level changes, and quite frankly, it answers this question for all of us:
"What am I becoming?"
And if one didn't know or was uncertain, well, this blog is something that will be of value for you. Rejoice! Whether or not you are routined, deliberate, active, or even conscious of it, you CANNOT escape it. It's like trying to run away from Michael Myers only to find him everywhere you go. So of course, we'd want to capitalize on something that is always with us, or at the very least, determine the direction of our now into the future, right??
I truly believe there isn't a thing we cannot be, do, or have ... but it is commitment, you see, which determine this. Invariably. Sans exception. One can literally stop in their tracks at any point in their day and observe what it is they're doing and if they're doing what they desire to do - or simply existing. This is compounded by what it is that we do in our privacy also.
We can test this "theory" of mine, but I find it more enjoyable to have folks take a hard look at themselves. Regardless of what you want to become, or even what you say you are, there are obligations to those that consume time. And the formula is familiar: the more time you spend on something, the more practiced you become at it; the more practiced you become at it, the more experience you get; the more experience you get, the higher the proficiency; the higher the proficiency, the closer mastery draws to that.
The most beautiful thing about commitment, it quickly determines alignment with anything. It is the process of elimination tool that CAN be modified at whim and based on personal significance. I don't care how talented an individual is, how established, connected, or even how much resources they have to facilitate their wants, there is enough sorting and selecting through and of choices that produce both NOW (the present) and THEN (the future) simultaneously.
Story time!
Several years ago, I worked at a French cafe in a North Atlanta suburban area. The pay was -meh- but I didn't care about that per se as much as I was grateful for having a job. The customers were, for the most part, friendly, however they were demanding and expected high-level of service for their money. My coworkers at the time had distinguishable personalities, and because i embrace variety and individuality, i loved the idea of not having to conform to some stuffy policies and there weren't a thing such as a "clique". Even with that in place, I assumed that there wouldn't be a negative communal opinion of anyone (foolhardy I was), then I met Constance.
Constance migrated to the United States from French Cameroon, her journey from her old home wasn't the safest nor her arrival wasn't the best received by the citizens. She scowled, arms always folded, her words cut through flesh and bone. Not even the managers said much to her, and she didn't care (or so she thought; keep reading). Exchanging pleasantries? The kissing of teeth was a frequent reply to a greeting. The crew unanimously found her so repulsive, that it was said amongst themselves that she was cold and unhappy. I smiled a chessa cat's smile in this information and awaited the day I would work directly and exclusively with her. Her, upon finding out about my apathy to the opinion of our co-workers, laughed eerily ... similar to the laugh of Heath Ledger's joker in 'the dark knight'.
My first night working with her, I wasn't completely trained and it showed. No quarters were given. Nor was support. The angry looks from patrons were as daggers piercing my body; her uncaring demeanor and lack of support were the twisting of those dagger's hilts. I made it through the first night, however, my outlook of the situation dimmed. The sound of someone kissing their teeth as a reply after asking work-related questions still very much audible.
Many more nights followed with Constance adding to that experience, supplementing the opinion of our co-workers' perceptions. I recall a night where I bought a beer feeling overwhelmed by the "teamwork" I've experienced with this person. I was livid! My confidence dwindled ... into confusion.
Why is she so damn stubborn?! Wouldn't it be easier to get along?! Nobody wants to work with her! Doesn't she know that?!?! I'm picking up extra shifts because everyone else is calling out on the days she is to work with them! She should be grateful!
... then I paused. I don't know why (at the time) , but there was a sensation tingling of my spine that caused me to throw out the remainder of my beer and head into the house - not quite as mad as I was, but knowing that I was better than the anger I elected for.
Many more nights with Constance passed, but with each passing night ... I became more masterful; her still being statuesque. Uncaring about her role, or her "support", even the sound of kissing-teeth after saying 'hi' became my personal inside joke. I remember joking with frequent patron that because of my Jamaican heritage, she reminded me of one of my aunts: tough exterior that hides a big, soft, cuddly teddy bear inside. Constance overheard that, confirmed by a very loud teeth-kissing sound coming from her general direction. It was followed up with even less "support" that I've grown accustomed to not needing. I WAS THE MAN! Everything was running more efficiently then ever (so I thought; keep reading) and I didn't care.
But then...
"What's her problem? " an angry patron pointed out, as he sees me manning 4 out of the 5 stations, Constance doing her usual statue imitation at the register.
"Oh, don't worry about auntie, she's doing plen--"
"Where is the manager?!" he interrupted.
"... in the back training the new pastry chef. Is there something I can help you with? " I replied cautiously, seeing his anger more apparent.
"Get your manager, I need to make a complaint" he said sharply.
And so, I went into the back, met with the manager, went over briefly what happened, and brought him up front to speak with the patron.
"What kind of business are you running here? " he started, "there isn't enough people up here to take care of customers."
"Sir" my manager replied, "there is ample coverage. You have the newest and best employee we have and one of the longest tenured employees we have to take care of you" he said, with NO command.
I remember the next 30 seconds of my life hearing my manager passively listening to a red-faced, angry patron spewing hateful words with 4 and 5 lettered obscenities. He spoke highly of me, how long he's patronized the establishment, etc. ... but then he worked his way down to Constance. The manager, verbally beaten into submission, elected not to exercise command or diffuse the situation...
I didn't know what came over me but I imagined my face looking like Al pacino's portrayal of Tony Montana upon discovering his sister married his best friend ...
"Fuck you! " I belted out. 'What am I doing?' - I thought; i reacted WITHOUT thinking.
"Excuse me? I beg your pardon? " the patron confused.
"Oh ?! Ah ah em ... ahem ... " exaggerating the sound of my throat being cleared, though there wasn't any phlegm, "FUCK. YOU." - 'I'm gonna get fired ' i thought, might as well not mince words and stay true to myself.
"Didn't YOU (pointing at me) hear me stand up for you?" the patron visibly confused.
"Jahmal! " my manager cried out, looking mystified at the unfolding situation --
"All I'd seen was a person treating my co-workers like crap and feeling justified to talk to them like crap. I don't care for your reasons, i work these people more than I see my own family! If there's something to work out, I will do that, but you - hold up - YOU (pointing back at him) will not be an asshole thinking you're standing up for me and doing something I disprove of"
"Jahmal, go in the back!" my manager helplessly called out.
A scowl crept over the patron's red face, arms folded as if he were imitating Constance, "kid, fuck you and fuck this place too. I'm e-mailing the corporate office. ALL of you may want to start looking for jobs" he said in a calm, certain tone.
He marched off and on the way out, he attempted to slam the vacuum shock-equipped exit door, failing, him swearing some more and telling random people not to eat at the cafe I worked at. The remaining guests were shell-shocked. I remember being yanked into the back by the manager, being asked what I was doing, what came over me, amongst other things. I tuned him out. I didn't care. My job was most likely gone, but I knew in my being I did the right thing.
"Stay back here, DO NOT come back out for anything. Start the closing process." he warned sternly, with the assertiveness that was missing from his interaction with the angry patron.
About an hour passed. The smell of bleach and stainless steel aerosol filled the area. Constance came into the back area where I was and paid me a compliment on my cleaning ability ...
"Huh? " I teased
She kissed her teeth, "I know you heard me! "
And for the first time, we laughed together. We had a deep conversation I don't care to share, but I will say that I felt an immense reserve of compassion for her. She REALLY was the embodiment of my Jamaican aunts lol.
Corporate was e-mailed, but not by just the gentleman, other guests that were in attendance did as well. A lot were good, some, well, not so nice, but overall I was lauded for my strong leadership (go figure). I didn't get fired (thankfully) but I was advised, rightfully so, on being conscious of the brand.
And you know what else? Constance, over a short period of time, opened up to everyone at the cafe. People that worked with her for years, stared in confusion as she would say "Hi my nephew! How was your day? " in a way that was polar opposite to anything they'd ever seen from her. She would move ALL OVER the cafe, telling jokes to patrons and co-workers, it was as though she was a totally different person, and it was obvious to everyone. We were literally the best pairing in the cafe, from social to professional, we could read one another and adjust on the fly without saying anything to each other. In fact, the days I would come in upset with something from my personal life would bother her until I told my auntie what was wrong. Our closeness actually incited everyone to be more of kin to each other, and actually increased production, as people were having to be re-trained in the way Constance and I worked (go figure). I truly love her as family. I miss her to this very day.
About a year and a half later, the cafe and I parted ways. I couldn't come into agreement with the GM on something that had nothing to do with me (he thought i was being disruptive, when in actuality, my co-workers were; i just so happened to be in proximity of their boisterous shenanigans; he wanted me to take ownership of THEIR behavior), and so, that was the end of my time there.
So... what does this have to do with habits?
I chose whom I wanted to be, do and have.
Despite outside resistance, I stayed committed to whom I wanted to be, do, or have.
Even when it was possibly costly, I remained in that being.
I was unapologetic for my choice. The outcome could only hurt me.
I stayed in practice and in-tune with what I decided, regardless of anyone else.
Bonus: my light shined upon everyone else through synergy. I'm not surprised either. Remember, I absolutely believed in myself higher than the desire I wanted WITH resistance in place.
Stay true to yourself. Master yourself. Have fun.
"Money ain't life, so take it easy" -Bob Marley
コメント